'Coping' with hairloss...

A question that I regularly get asked (and in fact got asked yesterday) is the 'secret' to 'coping' with hairloss. Are there any specific techniques to try; what can they do / copy; do I have any advice?

I have to be honest and say I am regularly stumped by this question; am I really qualified to answer? Can I really do anything to help? I don't know whether I can or not, but I do know that I have a policy of being honest and an ambition to answer a question as thoroughly and truthfully as possible, even if that is just to say 'I don't know'.

Being asked this question again yesterday got me thinking. How can you cope with losing your hair?

I think 'coping' methods will depend a lot on both you as an individual and on the stage of your hairloss journey. For example, take me; at the beginning of my alopecia, I did 'cope' - pick pretty much any cliche and it probably fits me, taking each day as it came! Roll forward to now, more than four years later and I no longer 'cope'; instead I 'thrive' and embrace my alopecia and what it brings for me.

Thinking this through, I have come up with a list of tips and tricks to help you come to terms with losing your hair and whilst this is not an 'official' assessment by a trained expert, I am drawing on personal experience. I have tried to ensure that it covers as many different angles as possible and suggest you pick the aspects that work for you, rather than using this as a step-by-step list. Also remember, that you cannot 'fail' - there will be setbacks along the way (I had my fair share), but the important thing is to keep looking and moving forward...

1. Start with what works for you...
I know this sounds like I am trying to teach Granny to suck eggs, but I'm not. When I went to the Ideal Home Show and met Katy Piper, she expressed an assertion that positive affirmation was key to her recovery. After that session, I came home and tried a few of my own - whilst I love the sentiment, they just aren't for me and I feel nothing, but I also know they work for many people. On my own journey, what I needed was motivation to get out the house - this is where my dogs came in handy and I spent every morning getting up and getting out and driving myself to look after them. For you, it might be yoga or meditation to relax, kick-boxing to let out your frustration, a night of too many cocktails with friends or something completely wacky. Whatever it is, build in regular things that encourage, inspire and motivate you, ensuring you can keep going, in spite of the hairloss.

2. Stick to your routine...
Initially my hairloss eroded my routine; I stopped going to the gym, to yoga (I was rubbish at it anyway), I worried about nights out with friends and I started doing less and less. I was entirely worried about and focussed on my hairloss - would people see, would they judge me, would I be laughed at? It was a self-fulfilling cycle and I got worse and worse. A combined intervention by my mum and best friend put paid to that and instead of allowing me to wallow in fear and self-pity, they propped me up and pushed me forward, getting me back out doing what I normally did and a few new things besides. The fear was definitely worse than the reality and once I was back out and about, I soon realised my world didn't collapse and maybe just maybe I was ready to have fun again!

3. Find a solution not a problem...
Hairloss is not a 'problem' that needs to spoil your life. In much the same vein as sticking to your routine, you also need to start looking for solutions that make you happy. For me, a synthetic wig was low-maintenance, flexible, affordable and realistic and I started to have fun with it, changing styles and lengths. For some, it will be a human hair wig that looks as realistic as possible. Hats, Scarves, Wigs, Camouflage Make Up and even bald and proud are all options and you just need to find the right one for you! Once you have, ensure this means you can maintain your normal behaviour (as per point two), because it's easy to talk yourself out of stuff because 'people might see'.

4. Keep yourself positive...
Unless you are new to PrettyBald, I hope you haven't missed our #100HairFreeDays Challenge. This was my own method to keeping things positive and it helped me keep plodding forward. On Twitter the other day, someone said to me "I go two steps forward and one step back", but why not look at it the other way - instead of this being a negative, highlighting that you aren't progressing fast enough, turn it into a positive and own the fact that you are STILL one step further forward than when you started, and another, and another.We can all create a self-pity pit and wallow in it to our hearts content, but don't let that define you!

5. Accept there will be down days...
I know this sounds contrary to point number four, but you also have to accept you aren't perfect and you can't hope to be; sometimes those people too determined to 'be on the right track' risk denying the reality of a situation and merely delay their emotions for a future day - that's not helping anyone. Remember the self-pity pit? Build it, get in it and cry your heart out, but remember there is a time-limit and you have to wade out, wash yourself off and embrace the next move forward.

6. Be honest...
At every stage, attempt to be honest. You don't have to apologise for losing your hair, it isn't your fault! Tell your friends and family how you feel and let them help you. You are NOT a burden and nor are you a martyr, so get chatting! Of course you don't want to drag them into your self-pity pit too, but you must also accept the fact that some days will be crap and there's nothing you can do to avoid that...

7. Don't grasp at straws...
Do your research on the causes of your condition and look for ways of tackling these problems, but also remember to be realistic. I know there is little or nothing to help with alopecia and once I came to terms with the fact there was no miracle cure or magic pill, life became easier. Hope can be brilliant, but make sure you are not just hoping for something that is unlikely to happen, because all that lies ahead is crashing disappointment!

8. Move beyond yourself...
Whenever anyone is going through something, they understandably start to put themselves first. Sometimes this is exactly what you need to do, particularly in the early stages, but be careful this doesn't become a negative habit. Instead, put yourself into someone else's shoes and use your hairloss as a stimulant to put yourself out there and help others. Nothing is a better tonic for self-pity than helping others, so volunteer for charity, set-up a social group, do something that isn't about you, but is totally about someone else! It will start to put your hairloss in perspective!

As you might have guessed, this post is a move away from some of my more normal styles and I found it really uncomfortable to write! I am not a 'gushy' person and whilst I am full of advice, I also hate the feeling that I may be patronising or devaluing someone and their own personal concerns. I hope this post IS helpful, but appreciate it may also not be, so in the meantime, I'll leave you with some of my favourite sayings as highlighted by fellow hairloss sufferers...

"No hair, don't care"

"I define my alopecia, it will not define me"

"I determined that it could take my hair, but it wouldn't take my mind too"

Love it!

It would be great if you can Tweet, Email, Facebook or comment below with your own personal coping mechanisms - it's great to share! Looking forward to your tips!

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

What does it mean to have confidence...? Guest post from Kerry Montgomery

Sorry to harp on about it (I think this is my third post mentioning this), but the trip to The Ideal Home Show was brilliant and a great chance for me to meet others! Whilst only Brenda was a fellow #BaldHeadedBeauty, I did get the chance to meet another very interesting lady, before cementing our contact via Twitter! Kerry was another show participant and is also a researcher at Sheffield University, studying the effects of, and potential ways to support those living with visible skin conditions including acne and alopecia. We asked her to tell her story of Body Confidence and this is what she wrote...

If someone had told me ten years ago I would be on a catwalk in front of a large crowd of people I would have laughed, but over the last month I have spent three days taking part in Katie Piper's catwalk show: Confidence: The Secret.

So a bit about me, I was born with a genetic condition called Crouzons syndrome; the condition affects the appearance of the face and skull. It has been a struggle, particularly as a teenager; my parents tried to make things as normal as possible for me but time off school due to surgery and hospital visits meant my teenage years were a little different. School can be a difficult place for anyone who is set apart from the ‘norm’ - looking back I realise now if it hadn't been the way I looked, I would probably have been singled out for doing my homework on time, or getting good grades.  People would ignore me or call me names or threaten me. How I looked elicited such a strong reaction that I was actually assaulted because of it. I remember being chased home by five boys a few years older than me; I managed to make it home, bang on the door and my step dad chased them away - I was about 12 at the time. The reactions of other people severely affected my confidence as a teenager and young adult, it would stop me going out socially and I would be afraid of meeting new people because of worry about their reactions. I felt different to everyone else, and I didn't like my face, so much so that I decided that I wanted to have further reconstructive surgery. I was told it would have no medical benefits but it could ‘improve’ the appearance and shape of my face. I thought long and hard about it and decided that in order to feel better this was what I needed to do. However it wasn't to be, I woke up expecting my face to look different but the surgeons felt the procedure too risky and stopped the surgery - I was heartbroken.

That’s when I realised that this was it - this was what I looked like and it wasn't going to change. For me, this certainty helped. Looking back now, in some ways I'm glad the surgery didn't go ahead. It made me think about appearance and what it meant to me and the people I loved. All the negative reactions had come from people who I wouldn't ever dream of associating with - so why was I concerning myself with that? I don’t feel my appearance defines me as a person, when I describe myself it doesn't factor into it. I wouldn't say I think about the appearance of my face very often. I have everyday worries about my weight, my height, getting the right fit in clothes. I take care of myself and think about what to wear or my hair - as Katie would say it’s about being the best version of myself that I can be.

When the charity asked me about being involved in the show I wanted to be part of it because of the message: that living with a visible difference does not define who we are, and we can be confident, and look confident. Traditionally on catwalks there is a view that to be on stage you need to be what society deems as ‘beautiful’, but who defines beauty anyway - where does this come from. It's changed over time - previously the curvy figures of Marilyn Monroe and such like were sought after, and now this has changed to coveting the size 0 body. Beauty products are modelled by people with flawless skin and perfect hair - so what about the rest of us who don’t fit the mould, who look different to the women on the adverts and on the TV? We still use the products and wear the clothes so surely fashion and beauty needs to take this into consideration?

It’s been a journey getting to this place, to be able to stand on a catwalk in front of people and feel confident and I'm sure there will always be days when I look in the mirror and wish things were a bit different, but that doesn't make me different to anyone else. My appearance does not stop me doing things; sure when I first meet people I wonder how they will respond, but in my head now I think if someone is going to judge me, or respond to me in a negative way based on my appearance then I don’t really want to be around them anyway!

Doing the show I was lucky enough to meet amazing, beautiful women, and their stories touched me in some way. Everyone had overcome something very challenging and difficult and when that happens we have a choice, and the women I met all decided to fight and not let their difference define them. This strength came shining through as confidence, a confidence that they could do what they set their mind to and not be held back by negative views of others. Indeed one affirmation was ‘happiness is not comparing yourself to others.’  

My affirmation was ‘Who I am is enough’. A friend shared this affirmation with me, and to me it means that I don’t need to try and be someone else or seek to be different from who I am. I feel it has a powerful message.

I am passionate about helping people who are experiencing distress related to living with a visible difference, particularly social anxiety. My research at Sheffield university currently focuses on developing support for people living with skin conditions for example alopecia and acne. For me, my experiences have given me insight and awareness into living with a visible difference and I hope to use this to help others.

Kerry.

Kerry at The Ideal Home Show with Katie Piper and fellow models

I hope you enjoyed this post and if anyone has any questions for Kerry about her or her research, please let us know and we can put you in touch! We're looking forward to more updates from Kerry about her work progress in the future and wish her the best of luck!

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

Real Life #Hairloss Experience - Meet Brenda (@MuskehoundFinn)

Remember my trip to the Ideal Home Show? Well, aside from enjoying an interiors show and coveting lots of things I couldn't afford, the visit had an ulterior motive - to see MuskehoundFinn (aka Brenda) strut her stuff on stage, representing us baldies! Well, we couldn't let her pass us by without a Real Life Hairloss interview for you, our lovely followers! Here goes...

Brenda lost her hair nearly 16 years ago, at the tender age of 14. She admits that initially, her alopecia got her down and she spent the first three years as a recluse. Speaking of her school life Brenda says "Six months into having Alopecia social services agreed to let me be home schooled; apart from the bullying, mentally I just froze. I could not absorb anything going on. I did not realise at the time, but I think I was in shock, so I just shut down as a type of coping mechanism. Around 17, I started to slowly get my bearings mentally again, but the anxiety was still prominent for years, so socially in all aspects I struggled to interact as I would always be thinking "Do I look alright?"."

For Brenda, the opportunity to participate in Katie Piper's "Confidence: The Secret" catwalk was a daunting prospect, but one she knew she must embrace. It wasn't what she expected though and what started as a chance to represent fellow alopecians, ended with life-changing decisions and new found confidence. To understand the transformation, we asked Brenda how she would describe herself before participating in the show, and in her own words she said "I was pretty much bumbling along, especially when it came to my body confidence. I had hit the stage of being "just comfortable" so I did not think a mental change would come at any point; I thought I had hit the stage where I have a confidence that makes life liveable, despite not fully embracing it." Yet, despite being far from her personal expectations, she came off stage at the end a different person to the one who started. Brenda explains "After the second show it really hit me how I am now truly confident in myself; I no longer feel this need to 'compete' in a realm where there is an expectation of the basics of how we should look, from body weight to hair. I had accepted my alopecia in a positive way [before the show], but I now see alopecia as something I can work with more. I did not fully realise how cool the bald look can be until I did the show, so I do want to be rocking the look on nights out, which I never had the urge to do until now."

That's not all, her new found confidence actually stimulated her to make a life-changing decision, quitting her job as a costume character performer, seeing her in the roles of lovable kids characters like Peppa Pig. Talking of this radical decision she says "That job matched the person I was - not confident enough to show my whole self - rather than the person I am now."

Speaking of the show, we asked Brenda the best and worst bits of being involved. For her, the best was without a doubt the people; she says "I was not expecting it but it was the other women (including Katie) who I had the privilege of doing the show with. It was the first time I was in a group setting & my "body difference" was not "different". It was just a part of me. We all had different visible differences but were there with the same goal." The worst bit though was definitely her hatred of heels and her fear of falling flat on her face. Laughingly she told us "I have to say it was wearing heels! - I don't "do" heels! The original shoes I had for the show, I was walking like an injured penguin in - the point of the show is about body confidence so luckily the stylist Lucas Armitage agreed I could wear the one pair of heels I personally own which are 2 inch nude peep toes, but even then I was nervous in them."

On stage at the end, each lady was asked to state their own positive affirmation in line with Katie's use of them for motivation and confidence. Brenda's was "We were born to be real, not to be perfect" and I have to say we agree!

Well done Brenda for putting yourself out there and for helping to educate people and raise awareness of Alopecia!

Brenda on stage at the Katie Piper diversity catwalk

Braving the swimsuit section! Rather you than me!

Rocking an Easter Theme - as a self-styled easter 'egg'

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

A day of inspirational women and celebrating difference with @MuskehoundFinn and @KatiePiper_

Alopecia UK circulated a message not that long ago, encouraging followers to enter a competition to win a chance to appear on the first Diversity Catwalk, being organised by Katie Piper. The competition asked entrants to upload, email or tweet a picture of themselves and their 'difference' telling the judges of the defining moment in their journey to Body Confidence; the winner would appear on stage at the Ideal Home Show, Olympia, alongside an inspirational group of women who all had their own point of 'difference'. AUK hoped that enough ladies from the #BaldHeadedBeauty community would enter to ensure that at least one of this group of gorgeous women would appear on stage, showing the world that Bald is Beautiful.

When I saw the competition and read the info and inspiration behind it, I absolutely knew I wanted to be there (not on stage mind you, a front row seat would suffice). I wanted to see first hand what these 'differences' looked like and how Katie Piper planned to try and change an industry that is bought and sold upon the idea of perfection. Not long after, I received a tweet from one of our very lovely followers Brenda who had been hand picked to join the select group of individual beauties parading down the catwalk in a show entitled 'Confidence; the secret'. Coincidentally, Brenda hadn't been recruited for the show through the competition, but had in fact been one of the original cast; a coup for bald awareness, particularly Alopecians.

Brenda kindly sent me two complimentary tickets and I bought along my biggest inspiration - my mum. We travelled to the show on Good Friday, and after a tortuous trip around the stands coveting a lot of things we didn't need, but loved (including a hydrotherapy pool, a hot tub and a fire pit), not to mention an expensive impulse buy I'll not doubt regret when the bank statement comes in, we nabbed ourselves two second row seats, right next to the stage. We were there early and a group of models / dancers took to the stage, showcasing a range of clothes from sponsors. Glamourous, co-ordinated and tall, everything you'd expect from a model, these ladies and gents grooved their way down the runway to a number of tracks, showing off everything from yellow macs to evening wear. Not what you would call bucking the trend, but engaging nonetheless.

Next onto stage came the very gorgeous (and absolutely tiny) Katie Piper, more beautiful and frankly normal in real life than the pictures or TV cameras do her justice for. She's spunky, funny, intelligent and resolute and has a goal to engender and promote absolute Body Confidence in each and every person. She spoke, some about her own experiences, some about the experiences of others she's met, and most importantly about the fact that fashion and beauty can be very important in helping someone be the best, most confident version of themselves, ultimately providing a very exposed and very real platform to promote and gain acceptance for the unconventional or 'different'.

She stepped back and onto stage strutted a feisty and confident bunch of women; I would challenge anyone to tell me how and why these women were anything other than beautiful. True; burn scarring, a missing limb, a wheelchair and no hair may not grace the front covers or inner pages of glossy magazines, but there is absolutely no way that any of these women could be considered anything other than stunning.

Next, Katie talked about the human spirit and the fact that despite negative comments being oft heard by those struggling to come to terms with a condition, it is in fact the strength within ourselves that is important. She highlighted that each and every person has a 'human spirit' and that no matter what guise we believe that appears in, each and every one of us will have been touched by someone else in some way. A particularly poignant point was that none of us know just how strong we can be until we are tested and that ultimately, we are in charge of our own destinies.

She then segued into the fact that each and every women on stage was concerned not with their 'difference' or 'disability', but with entirely unexpected areas or features of their body; back onto stage they strode, wearing oversize baggy white t-shirts, and on the back of each was their own area of concern. From a 'big tum' to 'thighs' and even the size of their hips, each and every one of these women had an area they'd like to improve. This too included Katie, who for the record would like to be taller than her 5'3'' so she can give heels a miss, and would also like a more round bum like 'Kim Kardashian'; she too was clear that actually there are things she would like to change, but that she won't love herself any less.

One very interesting technique which Katie opts for but which I personally have never used, is positive affirmations; reminding yourself of the important things and ensuring that happy thoughts are interlinked with day to day life. She dropped a number into her motivational speeches, including one statement from her Doctor in the early days of her recovery; as she sat worried about never finding love, or being considered beautiful again, her doctor said to her 'Why worry; worrying about what hasn't happened yet is a waste of energy that gets you nowhere.' Katie was clear that this was a turning point for her, and regularly using affirmations like 'I am bigger than my problem', 'Inhale Confidence, Exhale Doubt' and 'The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts' have all served to have a positive impact on her life.

Speaking to Katie after the show*, I realised just what a philanthropic person she truly is, but also how draining it can be to put yourself in the spotlight and say 'This is Me'. Talking of her work, she was clear about the importance of dividing her time between being a mum, working and looking after the Charity. The Katie Piper Foundation', at the same time, highlighting her understandable drive to support burns victims. Despite that, she said that the show, which had showcased a whole range of different conditions, had underpinned a realisation that their differences don't need to be the same for people to inspire other people; it is the journey each individual takes and the strength that they show that can provide inspiration to others on the same or different journeys.

Katie's ultimate goal is to provide a platform to deliver awareness, show difference and help people to understand and embrace it. Kudos to her!

Here's a few pictures from the event and over the next week or so, there will be a follow-up interview with Brenda talking about her personal experiences of the show, once she's come down off Cloud 9 of course!

Brenda & I

Katie Piper & Pretty Bald

Swimsuits - well done girls!

One final point is to say well done to each and every one of the ladies!

Victoria x

*Please note, I am paraphrasing here; I was a little too starstruck to remember exact words used! Sorry Katie x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

Your chance to see a baldy strut her stuff... @MuskehoundFinn on stage with @KatiePiper_

A few weeks ago, a website link was shared, pointing everyone in the direction of an opportunity to be on stage with Katie Piper, taking part in the first ever Diversity Catwalk, showing off the best and most gorgeous 'normal' people.

The show, which is happening at The Ideal Home Show in Olympia, London is being launched and run by Katie Piper and her charity The Katie Piper Foundation under the title "Confidence - The Secret". Hopeful applicants were encouraged to email or tweet their story and a picture to Katie in the hope of being selected to challenge current Fashion and Beauty Ideals and help change perceptions at the Live event.

Here's the biog...
"Proving how proud we should be of ourselves, Katie is giving you to the opportunity to grace the catwalk and reveal your true insecurities - these insecurities are things that aren't always the obvious insecurity that people assume, for example people would assume Katie's insecurity is her burns but actually she wishes she had longer legs!"

We're really pleased to say that one of the chosen few is none other than Brenda, a fellow baldie! Having already completed a few of the shows, you can still see Brenda and her fellow participants over Easter on Good Friday. She'll be strutting her stuff on stage at 11.30, 13.30 and 15.30 on Friday 3rd April and will be publicly representing us #BaldHeadedBeauties. Tickets to the Ideal Home Show are available here, giving you the chance to see it live...

Good luck to her and in the meantime, you can watch a little snippet of Brenda's moves here...

Good Luck Brenda and well done!

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald