My little love story... #Alopecia #Hairloss #Love #ValentinesDay

Two days ago, Kay wrote a love themed blog post talking about her personal experiences, her fears now that she's single and whether or not she'll spend Valentines alone... She hasn't let us know either way which it will be tonight, but she has inspired me to tell my own love story for those who want to hear it!

My alopecia started in February 2011 and was fairly slow initially! I was single and while it might be the first thing on many people's minds, I wasn't too worried it would hinder my love search, particularly as it was only a patch or two!

In the March, I met a boy while out clubbing one Saturday! He was not my normal type, but he was cute and more importantly was from a farming family (odd thing about me - I've always wanted to own a tractor!). Anyway, we went on a couple of dates, the first being incredibly nerve-wracking and things were progressing nicely! I made him laugh, him me, and I was happy to be dating him! What's more, I'd told him about my alopecia and he was fine with it! A few dates later and we snuggled up to watch a film, curled up together on the sofa! My hair shifted, despite my effort to hide it, and he stiffened! It was only a second but I felt it and inevitably, the worry set in! He left as planned later that evening, and cue radio silence... for four days! Despite a couple of texts and even a phone call, nothing! I decided in the grand scheme of things, it was pretty unimportant, but man did it feel rubbish! A few days after that and he crawled out of the woodwork, giving me a sheepish call! He told me he'd spoken with his mum who told him not to be an idiot, and that the only reason it freaked him was because the little bald patch he saw reminded him of cancer, which he'd lost his dad to. Now, despite the rational explanation, unfortunately the damage was done and I knew that to continue dating him would put me at risk of heartbreak if I lost my hair completely and he freaked again! I broke it off officially and that was that - straight back on the shelf.

Forward almost a month and I went to a colleagues housewarming - she'd just moved to the area to join her boyfriend and they'd started renting a new place together! Cue a number of new guys I'd not met before, in a house party environment which was perfect for a chat! They were all cute (albeit in a geeky manner), but one in particular caught my eye - a lovely chap that I'll refer to as 'T'. T and I caught eyes a couple of times and had the odd chat, we competed at board games and at the end of the night went our separate ways. A few days later and a text appeared from an unknown number; a very polite message from T who had got my number through a friend of a friend. He politely introduced himself, and asked if I'd consider going on a date with him? I accepted and we went out a few times enjoying his company to a point. The problem? I was scared! How could I let myself go and commit myself to something, when I didn't know if he'd still like me with no hair. What happened if he reacted just like the first guy and broke my heart when I was already struggling emotionally? How would I cope?

I broke it off again and though he wasn't happy about it, he was committed to staying friends!

Roll forward another couple of months and I was having a particularly bad day; I'd lost more than 50% of my hair and it was getting more and more difficult to hide. I had an awful synthetic wig which looked nothing like my natural hair and that in itself was destroying my confidence! None of my friends were in town that particular weekend and despite a supportive family, I was feeling decidedly sorry for myself! I text T (we were still in touch) and asked for his company. An hour later I appeared on his doorstep, he opened the door, I took one look at him and burst out sobbing, tears streaming down my face and worst of all a dribbly nose! NOT my finest moment!

T held me, cuddled me, comforted me and generally cared for me. We chatted at length and he promised it was me he liked, not my hair; bald or not he'd like me he said.

Between that point and now, there's very little to tell, but suffice to say my fear was unfounded and I've found the man of my dreams! He's intelligent, kind, funny, if a little grumpy and in August of last year we bought our first house!

What I've learned from my own personal experience is that:

1. The men who care more about your hair are the wrong 'uns anyway!
2. It's about you and your confidence and the fears are with you too! You've got to dump the negativity and get a handle on yourself!
3. Let yourself go; let yourself fall in love and don't expect the worst! It won't always work out, but if you don't try, you won't know!

Want more positive hairloss love stories? Alopecia UK has a great facebook album of happy couples, which is worth checking out!

Happy Valentines Day folks and if you feel able, please share your story with us!

Victoria x

P.S. Sorry we missed posting yesterday! Ran out of time, or maybe it was just Friday 13th!

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

Love Is In The Air?..

Well hello there!

I'm Kay, your new blogger here at Pretty Bald and I'm delighted to be part of it! As an absolute novice in the field of blogging and writing my thoughts down in any kind of coherent way, here's hoping I do a good enough job and keep you all interested, entertained and informed!..

So, with this new post being so close to Valentines Day and so soon after the lovely Jen appearing on TLC UK's "Too Ugly For Love?" (#TeamPete!), I thought I'd share a few of my thoughts and experiences on the minefield that is dating.

Now, I lost the hair on my scalp around 6 years ago (2009). During that time, and for around 18 months after, I was in a relationship so I never had to worry about revealing myself to a new love interest and having that awkward encounter. However, when I became single I suddenly thought.. ah, this is going to be tricky. My self esteem was at an all time low back then and not a soul knew about my alopecia minus my parents and a very select couple of friends. I dated boys and kept my bald head a complete secret and as a wig wearer, that was very easy to do.

Let's jump to 2012 when I finally met others with the condition at the first BeBold conference in Durham. Finding BeBold, and through their event discovering Alopecia UK, I've gained a confidence within myself I never thought I'd have. I'm comfortable in my skin. While the condition isn't pleasant, it isn't convenient and was soul destroying in the beginning, I can't change what's happened to me and the way my body continues to attack itself... but I can change my outlook and I have!

However, while I'm happy in myself, the fear I have of how others perceive me has never improved, or at least how I feel the male sex will perceive me.

We all want to look like Jennifer Aniston, right? I can't be the only girl to have walked in to a hair salon (albeit many moons ago for me personally) and asked for the latest Rachel Green do! We all want to feel attractive and for whatever reason, be it due to social media or whatever, beautiful flowing locks is a part of that.

So for the last three years (crikey, I've been single three years!!) I've experimented with different approaches towards men and the Big A (alopecia, just so you know).

Guys I haven't really been bothered about - gone on a date with just to pass the time - I've told, if it came up in conversation, because their opinion of it didn't matter to me..

"Your hair looks nice".        "Oh, thank you. It's a wig.  Yea I have Alopecia. Yes it's real hair, it's just not mine. Thanks for dinner!"

A boy I particularly liked I kept it from, for fear of  him rejecting me because of it, however, I was gazumped and he found me out! Bringing it up very tactfully he said his mother was a hairdresser and he noticed my hair line around my ears. Bugger. After that I actually didn't hear from him again.. Am I being paranoid?

And finally, and please don't be offended by this, I even told a boy once to try and put him off me! Because I have this thought ingrained in me that no man wants a bald girlfriend, so by telling him he'd go away without me having to tell him the actual truth - that he was just plain boring!

But that's not right, is it? I have many alopecian friends who are in relationships, who have met their partners after their hairloss and as we've seen from "Too Ugly For a Love?" being bald makes no difference to how attractive we are as a person. And that's what matters isn't it, our personalities and our souls. Nobody wants to be, as my Nan would say, a "good looking nothing".

So, what would you all recommend? How do you/have you gone about telling potential boyfriends/girlfriends of your condition? What can I do to boost my confidence in this area? I'm completely baffled and, ideally, would like the answer before Saturday so I can nab myself a fella and don't have to spend Valentines Day alone, in my onesie, watching Take Me Out!

I look forward to reading your comments. I apologise for writing a book ;)

Much love, Kay x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald