B is for...
Backwards - this is not a veiled insult to our intelligence, but actually reference to the process I went through with my hairloss. All the time, I kept thinking to myself, I'm going backwards - one step forward coming to terms with it, then two and sometimes even three back. Getting used to artfully arranging my hair to cover the patches, only to have the patches expand; making mini 'wigs' to adhere to the patches as a hair replacement, only to have the patches grow still more. Gaining a small amount of regrowth from steroid injections (which weren't worth the pain) only for that to fall out too. The list goes on and on...
It's not all bad though; yes, initially it felt like I was constantly slipping backwards, but over time, as I adjusted, this feeling became less and less frequent. and now, I am doing nothing but charging forward! I am a changed person (at least a little bit) and hopefully for the better. It hasn't all been rosy, but overall as an experience, my hairloss has been more good than bad - a feeling that I hope you get too, or at least a level of certainty that the 'backwards' feeling will pass.
Bald / Baldness - OK, I know this is an obvious one, but in the majority of cases, the ultimate outcome is some or total baldness. There are conditions, for example diffuse Alopecia, which create general thinning, and of course not all cancer patients or people with trichotillomania experience total hairloss, but baldness is a fairly good bet! This aspect was one of the worst for me - there was no hiding it and my appearance was so very different - but it has also turned out to be one of the best aspects too! Read more about my experiences here, here and here...
It's not all bad though; yes, initially it felt like I was constantly slipping backwards, but over time, as I adjusted, this feeling became less and less frequent. and now, I am doing nothing but charging forward! I am a changed person (at least a little bit) and hopefully for the better. It hasn't all been rosy, but overall as an experience, my hairloss has been more good than bad - a feeling that I hope you get too, or at least a level of certainty that the 'backwards' feeling will pass.
Bald / Baldness - OK, I know this is an obvious one, but in the majority of cases, the ultimate outcome is some or total baldness. There are conditions, for example diffuse Alopecia, which create general thinning, and of course not all cancer patients or people with trichotillomania experience total hairloss, but baldness is a fairly good bet! This aspect was one of the worst for me - there was no hiding it and my appearance was so very different - but it has also turned out to be one of the best aspects too! Read more about my experiences here, here and here...
Bandana - another word for scarf obviously, bandanas are often an option for covering / disguising partial hairloss and as a head covering for total hairloss. This one doesn't work for me - it drives me nuts - but I know a lot of people that understandably love them too! They are low-cost, flexible, comfy, versatile and snuggly when it is cold. Many people opt to match them to outfits and there are soooo many ways you can wear then too! One added bonus; you can buy them pre-styled too, taking the hassle out of tying them yourself and providing a great alternative to hats!
Basics - Losing my hair really pushed things back to basics. I know this sounds strange, but it did this in many senses of this word. For example, I was used to my natural hair and knew how to wash it, style it, care for it; no hair = a whole new regime. Learning wig care, wig maintenance, skin care, nail care, everything that my condition has affected. I felt in many respects like I was back to being thirteen, learning and experimenting; at times it was fun, but at times it was uber frustrating too!
One other thing worth a mention is that like any 'test' that life throws at you, hairloss is very clarifying. It made me realise the friends I could count on, what was important in life, what made me happy and what I really want to achieve in life. It took me back to basics and put things in perspective and many people I know have said this too!
Beauty - I'm not sure I can do this 'B' justice with my explanation / writing. There are so many things it represents and means to so many people, but I'll give it a go...
Beauty is something that we are judged by and that we judge people by. On the one hand, there are the sayings like 'Beauty is more than skin deep' and 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', but on the other hand, there are also adverts which tell us our long glossy hair makes us 'worth it' and that the wrinkles on our face make us less so. I, and many others that I know, really struggled to adjust to the aesthetic changes that hairloss brings; not only is it incredibly emotionally challenging, but I was terrified that I would be somehow less beautiful and therefore less valuable without my hair. In true terms you aren't; it's simply a different beautiful look, and your personality feeds in a lot too, but that doesn't change the fact you feel less beautiful along the way. As an aside, I do now feel beautiful and perhaps more so than when I had hair even - I have a boyfriend who I love and who loves me, masses of confidence and a unique look, but it took me a while to get back to 'beauty'.
Being - Hairloss can be traumatic (sorry that is probably understatement of the year) and I and many others really struggled emotionally. Sometimes it is important along the way to let yourself just 'be' - to live in the moment, accept what you are feeling and let it wash over you. Anger, grief, envy, anything. Just be!
Besties - Hairloss is hard, period! Your besties will be really important to you (as always) and there'll be a lifeline. For me, mine kept me from retreating into my shell and while I must have seemed like a total stuck record, they were there for me! Enough said!
Bitching - Bitching is something that I really worried about when losing my hair - would people judge me, and be horrible about it? As a victim of bullying growing up (not anything too extreme don't worry), I worried that I would be worth less and that I would be subject to bitching behind my back, but as far as I know, everyone has been really positive and friendly about it. No bitching in sight!
Blackheads - this is an obscure side effect to hairloss and certainly one that I have experienced. Hair grows from follicles and as it grows, it naturally pushes dead skin cells to the surface and removes dirt. Since losing my hair, commonly my hair follicles become clogged and my skin gains the appearance of hundreds of tiny blackheads, particularly across my shoulders and the top of my arms. Regular exfoliation keeps on top of them which is fine, but blackheads are definitely a new problem!
Bold - I do mean 'bold' rather than 'bald'. Going without a wig is 'bold' and some would say 'brave' too, but it is! You will get stares, and people will ask questions or offer an opinion, but if you want to do it, go for it! I switch between wig and no wig and it's entirely personal choice. If you want to, do it; if you don't, then don't. Simples!
Boyfriends - this is something that a lot of people worry about; will you get a boyfriend (if you are single), will it change the way they feel about you (if you have one), will you be needy? So, so many questions and obviously the answers will vary on a case-by-case basis, but in my experience, the right one won't care. I met my boyfriend about a month after my alopecia started and actually stopped dating him out of fear, but now we've been together almost four years, we own a house together and my hairloss didn't change a thing! He's been great about it, sees me bald ALL the time and is gorgeous! If it does change the way they think about you, then chances are they are a toss pot and aren't worth it anyway, so move on and find someone who loves you for you.
Boyfriends - this is something that a lot of people worry about; will you get a boyfriend (if you are single), will it change the way they feel about you (if you have one), will you be needy? So, so many questions and obviously the answers will vary on a case-by-case basis, but in my experience, the right one won't care. I met my boyfriend about a month after my alopecia started and actually stopped dating him out of fear, but now we've been together almost four years, we own a house together and my hairloss didn't change a thing! He's been great about it, sees me bald ALL the time and is gorgeous! If it does change the way they think about you, then chances are they are a toss pot and aren't worth it anyway, so move on and find someone who loves you for you.
Brave - this is something that you will be called quite frequently if you are losing your hair. Whether you tell someone about it, show them, or venture out bald, people will call you brave. Some people understandably find this very reassuring and I understand why, but for me I found this TOTALLY irritating - I did not feel not brave and this statement made me feel like a fraud. Brave is rescuing someone, or standing up to someone, not feeling rubbish about yourself because your hair is falling out, particularly when you would do almost anything to change it. Looking back now, I understand why people say 'brave', because it is really difficult to know what to say and it doesn't worry me so much any more, but it did before and I felt very guilty about it!
Breaking Point - I don't use this term lightly, but at times during my hairloss I hit what felt like rock bottom. It is certainly the lowest I have been (but perhaps not the lowest I can go) and at times felt like breaking point. No matter how awful I felt, I always got through it thanks to the love and support of my friends and family! I cannot thank them enough and remember the old cliché 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'. Embrace it and see just how far you can go...
