B is for... A-Z of hairloss

Having just tried writing the title, I'm not sure it makes perfect grammatical sense, but hopefully you get the gist! As promised, I am continuing in the vein of our A-Z of hairloss and understandably opting for the letter B (it comes next apparently!). Here goes and don't forget if you think I've missed something, let me know! 

B is for...

Backwards - this is not a veiled insult to our intelligence, but actually reference to the process I went through with my hairloss. All the time, I kept thinking to myself, I'm going backwards - one step forward coming to terms with it, then two and sometimes even three back. Getting used to artfully arranging my hair to cover the patches, only to have the patches expand; making mini 'wigs' to adhere to the patches as a hair replacement, only to have the patches grow still more. Gaining a small amount of regrowth from steroid injections (which weren't worth the pain) only for that to fall out too. The list goes on and on...

It's not all bad though; yes, initially it felt like I was constantly slipping backwards, but over time, as I adjusted, this feeling became less and less frequent. and now, I am doing nothing but charging forward! I am a changed person (at least a little bit) and hopefully for the better. It hasn't all been rosy, but overall as an experience, my hairloss has been more good than bad - a feeling that I hope you get too, or at least a level of certainty that the 'backwards' feeling will pass.

Bald / Baldness - OK, I know this is an obvious one, but in the majority of cases, the ultimate outcome is some or total baldness. There are conditions, for example diffuse Alopecia, which create general thinning, and of course not all cancer patients or people with trichotillomania experience total hairloss, but baldness is a fairly good bet! This aspect was one of the worst for me - there was no hiding it and my appearance was so very different - but it has also turned out to be one of the best aspects too! Read more about my experiences here, here and here...

Bandana - another word for scarf obviously, bandanas are often an option for covering / disguising partial hairloss and as a head covering for total hairloss. This one doesn't work for me - it drives me nuts - but I know a lot of people that understandably love them too! They are low-cost, flexible, comfy, versatile and snuggly when it is cold. Many people opt to match them to outfits and there are soooo many ways you can wear then too! One added bonus; you can buy them pre-styled too, taking the hassle out of tying them yourself and providing a great alternative to hats!

Basics - Losing my hair really pushed things back to basics. I know this sounds strange, but it did this in many senses of this word. For example, I was used to my natural hair and knew how to wash it, style it, care for it; no hair = a whole new regime. Learning wig care, wig maintenance, skin care, nail care, everything that my condition has affected. I felt in many respects like I was back to being thirteen, learning and experimenting; at times it was fun, but at times it was uber frustrating too!

One other thing worth a mention is that like any 'test' that life throws at you, hairloss is very clarifying. It made me realise the friends I could count on, what was important in life, what made me happy and what I really want to achieve in life. It took me back to basics and put things in perspective and many people I know have said this too!

Beauty - I'm not sure I can do this 'B' justice with my explanation / writing. There are so many things it represents and means to so many people, but I'll give it a go...

Beauty is something that we are judged by and that we judge people by. On the one hand, there are the sayings like 'Beauty is more than skin deep' and 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', but on the other hand, there are also adverts which tell us our long glossy hair makes us 'worth it' and that the wrinkles on our face make us less so. I, and many others that I know, really struggled to adjust to the aesthetic changes that hairloss brings; not only is it incredibly emotionally challenging, but I was terrified that I would be somehow less beautiful and therefore less valuable without my hair. In true terms you aren't; it's simply a different beautiful look, and your personality feeds in a lot too, but that doesn't change the fact you feel less beautiful along the way. As an aside, I do now feel beautiful and perhaps more so than when I had hair even - I have a boyfriend who I love and who loves me, masses of confidence and a unique look, but it took me a while to get back to 'beauty'.

Being - Hairloss can be traumatic (sorry that is probably understatement of the year) and I and many others really struggled emotionally. Sometimes it is important along the way to let yourself just 'be' - to live in the moment, accept what you are feeling and let it wash over you. Anger, grief, envy, anything. Just be!

Besties - Hairloss is hard, period! Your besties will be really important to you (as always) and there'll be a lifeline. For me, mine kept me from retreating into my shell and while I must have seemed like a total stuck record, they were there for me! Enough said!

Bitching - Bitching is something that I really worried about when losing my hair - would people judge me, and be horrible about it? As a victim of bullying growing up (not anything too extreme don't worry), I worried that I would be worth less and that I would be subject to bitching behind my back, but as far as I know, everyone has been really positive and friendly about it. No bitching in sight!

Blackheads - this is an obscure side effect to hairloss and certainly one that I have experienced. Hair grows from follicles and as it grows, it naturally pushes dead skin cells to the surface and removes dirt. Since losing my hair, commonly my hair follicles become clogged and my skin gains the appearance of hundreds of tiny blackheads, particularly across my shoulders and the top of my arms. Regular exfoliation keeps on top of them which is fine, but blackheads are definitely a new problem!

Bold - I do mean 'bold' rather than 'bald'. Going without a wig is 'bold' and some would say 'brave' too, but it is! You will get stares, and people will ask questions or offer an opinion, but if you want to do it, go for it! I switch between wig and no wig and it's entirely personal choice. If you want to, do it; if you don't, then don't. Simples!

Boyfriends - this is something that a lot of people worry about; will you get a boyfriend (if you are single), will it change the way they feel about you (if you have one), will you be needy? So, so many questions and obviously the answers will vary on a case-by-case basis, but in my experience, the right one won't care. I met my boyfriend about a month after my alopecia started and actually stopped dating him out of fear, but now we've been together almost four years, we own a house together and my hairloss didn't change a thing! He's been great about it, sees me bald ALL the time and is gorgeous! If it does change the way they think about you, then chances are they are a toss pot and aren't worth it anyway, so move on and find someone who loves you for you.

Brave - this is something that you will be called quite frequently if you are losing your hair. Whether you tell someone about it, show them, or venture out bald, people will call you brave. Some people understandably find this very reassuring and I understand why, but for me I found this TOTALLY irritating - I did not feel not brave and this statement made me feel like a fraud. Brave is rescuing someone, or standing up to someone, not feeling rubbish about yourself because your hair is falling out, particularly when you would do almost anything to change it. Looking back now, I understand why people say 'brave', because it is really difficult to know what to say and it doesn't worry me so much any more, but it did before and I felt very guilty about it! 

Breaking Point - I don't use this term lightly, but at times during my hairloss I hit what felt like rock bottom. It is certainly the lowest I have been (but perhaps not the lowest I can go) and at times felt like breaking point. No matter how awful I felt, I always got through it thanks to the love and support of my friends and family! I cannot thank them enough and remember the old cliché 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'. Embrace it and see just how far you can go...

Please let me know if there is anything I have missed via Facebook, Twitter or email...

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

The Grange Holburn Hotel, London - Massage Review

Why review a massage on a blog dedicated to hairloss? Well actually, it comes as a result of my past experiences, which have sometimes left me baffled and upset at the reaction of therapists to my Alopecia. Let me explain...

I have no hair (d'uh) and whilst to me, that seems perfectly normal and acceptable, to many apparently it is a subject for discussion or for staring. Worse than that, in many spa / beauty experiences, my lack of hair has caused a sub-par treatment that quite frankly is at best disrespectful and at worst downright disgraceful. I have always loved beauty treatments (and have to thank my mum for that expensive habit) but facials to help improve skin condition or massages just because, have often been a feature of weekends away, little bits of luxury, or the 'must-do' treat during an overnight hotel stay. Some of the people who've treated me (before having this blog) have been absolutely superb with handling my hairloss, whereas others have not. The negative reactions I've seen have ranged from a briefly horrified look on the face of my therapist who then proceeded to 'finish' my facial just above my eyebrows, missing three inches of my forehead, to the girl who had so little training in customer care and who's wrists went limp anywhere above my shoulder blades in a massage as she totally lost her confidence. I even had one who asked about my hairloss, and then proceeded to tell me all about how she couldn't do this or that due to my cancer, no matter how many times I corrected her. Don't get me wrong, not everyone will have met someone with Alopecia, and it's entirely likely it didn't come up in training because it's not a contraindication to treatment, however what was sorely lacking in each case was any natural customer service training and the professionalism to ask what they needed to know at the same time maintaining the high-level experience any other client could expect. If someone says "I've never come across Alopecia before, is there anything I need to know, or anyway to make you feel comfortable", it might not be the easiest conversation to have, but at least I can inform them. Instead, there are those who shy away from asking (which is simply poor practice) and then let their ignorance / hesitation negatively affect an experience that I have the 'privelege' to pay for.

Anyway, after that slightly long rant, I will revert to writing about the title - my experience this Easter of a treatment at The Grange Holburn Hotel in London. 

Mum and I had a business meeting in London on Thursday 2nd April and had tickets to The Ideal Home Show at Olympia on Friday 3rd. Rather than spending five hours in the car each day, we understandably decided to book a hotel and in doing so, found ourselves at The Grange. Following our meeting, we checked into the hotel and inevitably meandered our way to the steam room and sauna. The treatments were fully booked on thursday, but they did have two massage spaces Friday morning before check-out - perfect! 

Down I toddle and strip off in the changing rooms, wrapping a fluffy white robe around me; I'd put 'alopecia' on my questionnaire and opted to proceed without a wig in a bid to avoid the aromatherapy oils affecting it's condition or forcing me to wash it. My massage was with a gorgeous lady called Vanesha who was also trained in hairdressing. 'I never would have guessed it was a wig' she said 'You look fab!'. Brownie points straightaway for a) acknowledging it and b) complimenting me! She checked my head wasn't cold as it was uncovered and also asked if it was sensitive or my condition would affect any part of the massage, giving me a chance to reassure her of how I personally feel. 

Well, she then proceeded to give me one of the best full body massages ever and certainly worked her magic on some pesky knots lurking beneath my shoulder blades. More importantly however, she adapted the massage to suit me and my alopecia. She massaged all the areas you'd expect, then as she reached the top of my shoulder blades, and continued up my neck, she didn't stop and simply continued with the massage, incorporating a full scalp massage, right down to my earlobes. It was wonderful! Put simply, it is this very professionalism and calibre of massage that deserves a mention on a blog otherwise dedicated to hairloss! Thanks Vanesha!

What I loved about Vanesha's massage:

• True professionalism - not once did she question or hesitate or treat me as anyone but me! It was fab to have someone with the ability to treat me as I am, a human being the same as everyone else.
• Personalisation - she listened to what I would and wouldn't be happy with, then adapted her techniques to my needs! The added scalp massage might feel invasive for many, but for me, it was truly relaxing and very touching. It also felt right - owning a part of me and reminding me that it's part of me too! 
• A superb massage - no matter what way I look at it, it's one of the best I've had! Anyone who happens to be in the area, I'd recommend you pop in and give her massage a try!

All that remains to be said is thank you Vanesha, and what a truly gorgeous massage! 

Victoria x

P.S. I was here right next to the Holburn underground fire! Oops!