B is for... A-Z of hairloss

Having just tried writing the title, I'm not sure it makes perfect grammatical sense, but hopefully you get the gist! As promised, I am continuing in the vein of our A-Z of hairloss and understandably opting for the letter B (it comes next apparently!). Here goes and don't forget if you think I've missed something, let me know! 

B is for...

Backwards - this is not a veiled insult to our intelligence, but actually reference to the process I went through with my hairloss. All the time, I kept thinking to myself, I'm going backwards - one step forward coming to terms with it, then two and sometimes even three back. Getting used to artfully arranging my hair to cover the patches, only to have the patches expand; making mini 'wigs' to adhere to the patches as a hair replacement, only to have the patches grow still more. Gaining a small amount of regrowth from steroid injections (which weren't worth the pain) only for that to fall out too. The list goes on and on...

It's not all bad though; yes, initially it felt like I was constantly slipping backwards, but over time, as I adjusted, this feeling became less and less frequent. and now, I am doing nothing but charging forward! I am a changed person (at least a little bit) and hopefully for the better. It hasn't all been rosy, but overall as an experience, my hairloss has been more good than bad - a feeling that I hope you get too, or at least a level of certainty that the 'backwards' feeling will pass.

Bald / Baldness - OK, I know this is an obvious one, but in the majority of cases, the ultimate outcome is some or total baldness. There are conditions, for example diffuse Alopecia, which create general thinning, and of course not all cancer patients or people with trichotillomania experience total hairloss, but baldness is a fairly good bet! This aspect was one of the worst for me - there was no hiding it and my appearance was so very different - but it has also turned out to be one of the best aspects too! Read more about my experiences here, here and here...

Bandana - another word for scarf obviously, bandanas are often an option for covering / disguising partial hairloss and as a head covering for total hairloss. This one doesn't work for me - it drives me nuts - but I know a lot of people that understandably love them too! They are low-cost, flexible, comfy, versatile and snuggly when it is cold. Many people opt to match them to outfits and there are soooo many ways you can wear then too! One added bonus; you can buy them pre-styled too, taking the hassle out of tying them yourself and providing a great alternative to hats!

Basics - Losing my hair really pushed things back to basics. I know this sounds strange, but it did this in many senses of this word. For example, I was used to my natural hair and knew how to wash it, style it, care for it; no hair = a whole new regime. Learning wig care, wig maintenance, skin care, nail care, everything that my condition has affected. I felt in many respects like I was back to being thirteen, learning and experimenting; at times it was fun, but at times it was uber frustrating too!

One other thing worth a mention is that like any 'test' that life throws at you, hairloss is very clarifying. It made me realise the friends I could count on, what was important in life, what made me happy and what I really want to achieve in life. It took me back to basics and put things in perspective and many people I know have said this too!

Beauty - I'm not sure I can do this 'B' justice with my explanation / writing. There are so many things it represents and means to so many people, but I'll give it a go...

Beauty is something that we are judged by and that we judge people by. On the one hand, there are the sayings like 'Beauty is more than skin deep' and 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder', but on the other hand, there are also adverts which tell us our long glossy hair makes us 'worth it' and that the wrinkles on our face make us less so. I, and many others that I know, really struggled to adjust to the aesthetic changes that hairloss brings; not only is it incredibly emotionally challenging, but I was terrified that I would be somehow less beautiful and therefore less valuable without my hair. In true terms you aren't; it's simply a different beautiful look, and your personality feeds in a lot too, but that doesn't change the fact you feel less beautiful along the way. As an aside, I do now feel beautiful and perhaps more so than when I had hair even - I have a boyfriend who I love and who loves me, masses of confidence and a unique look, but it took me a while to get back to 'beauty'.

Being - Hairloss can be traumatic (sorry that is probably understatement of the year) and I and many others really struggled emotionally. Sometimes it is important along the way to let yourself just 'be' - to live in the moment, accept what you are feeling and let it wash over you. Anger, grief, envy, anything. Just be!

Besties - Hairloss is hard, period! Your besties will be really important to you (as always) and there'll be a lifeline. For me, mine kept me from retreating into my shell and while I must have seemed like a total stuck record, they were there for me! Enough said!

Bitching - Bitching is something that I really worried about when losing my hair - would people judge me, and be horrible about it? As a victim of bullying growing up (not anything too extreme don't worry), I worried that I would be worth less and that I would be subject to bitching behind my back, but as far as I know, everyone has been really positive and friendly about it. No bitching in sight!

Blackheads - this is an obscure side effect to hairloss and certainly one that I have experienced. Hair grows from follicles and as it grows, it naturally pushes dead skin cells to the surface and removes dirt. Since losing my hair, commonly my hair follicles become clogged and my skin gains the appearance of hundreds of tiny blackheads, particularly across my shoulders and the top of my arms. Regular exfoliation keeps on top of them which is fine, but blackheads are definitely a new problem!

Bold - I do mean 'bold' rather than 'bald'. Going without a wig is 'bold' and some would say 'brave' too, but it is! You will get stares, and people will ask questions or offer an opinion, but if you want to do it, go for it! I switch between wig and no wig and it's entirely personal choice. If you want to, do it; if you don't, then don't. Simples!

Boyfriends - this is something that a lot of people worry about; will you get a boyfriend (if you are single), will it change the way they feel about you (if you have one), will you be needy? So, so many questions and obviously the answers will vary on a case-by-case basis, but in my experience, the right one won't care. I met my boyfriend about a month after my alopecia started and actually stopped dating him out of fear, but now we've been together almost four years, we own a house together and my hairloss didn't change a thing! He's been great about it, sees me bald ALL the time and is gorgeous! If it does change the way they think about you, then chances are they are a toss pot and aren't worth it anyway, so move on and find someone who loves you for you.

Brave - this is something that you will be called quite frequently if you are losing your hair. Whether you tell someone about it, show them, or venture out bald, people will call you brave. Some people understandably find this very reassuring and I understand why, but for me I found this TOTALLY irritating - I did not feel not brave and this statement made me feel like a fraud. Brave is rescuing someone, or standing up to someone, not feeling rubbish about yourself because your hair is falling out, particularly when you would do almost anything to change it. Looking back now, I understand why people say 'brave', because it is really difficult to know what to say and it doesn't worry me so much any more, but it did before and I felt very guilty about it! 

Breaking Point - I don't use this term lightly, but at times during my hairloss I hit what felt like rock bottom. It is certainly the lowest I have been (but perhaps not the lowest I can go) and at times felt like breaking point. No matter how awful I felt, I always got through it thanks to the love and support of my friends and family! I cannot thank them enough and remember the old cliché 'what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger'. Embrace it and see just how far you can go...

Please let me know if there is anything I have missed via Facebook, Twitter or email...

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

Joking aside... or perhaps not...

A couple of days ago, I overheard one of those terribly predictable but nonetheless funny jokes that start 'A blonde, a brunette and a redhead' and which inevitably end with a derogatory comment about blondes being stupid. I've told a few of them in my time and heard even more, but for the first time it occurred to me that these jokes exclude the fourth biggest sector of hair society - us baldies.

I started racking my brains to see if I had heard any jokes at all with reference to those of us that have alopecia, chemotherapy hairloss, trichotillomania, etc., but nope, I couldn't think of any! In fact, the only joke at all that I've heard was a truly terrible one in the comments section of a Daily Mail article about the Pretty Bald Calendar, which said:

"What do you call a group of bald people on a raft?
Beans on Toast!"

It barely makes sense, let alone being funny, but I have to be honest, it really is the only one that I can think of hearing / reading. Having puzzled out something new to think about, I did what I always do and popped onto Google; I searched "Bald Jokes" and whilst there were a lot listed, there were none I considered high-calibre, 'good' jokes and many more which offered poor, inadequate humour.

It got me thinking? Why is it that we don't have good humour relating to perhaps one of the most obvious targets on the planet? Is baldness still such a taboo that we dare not voice a joke in case of offence, let alone invent them in the first place? Have all the bald jokes through history flopped and failed to get a laugh? Perhaps it is just considered bad taste to point out a lack of follicles, whether to a balding man or woman? Or perhaps it just isn't a topic worth mentioning?

At the end of it all I am still not sure why; perhaps it is the fear of the unknown, not knowing how people will take it?

For me, I'm not sure I would take offence at a joke about my lack of hair, if made by a stranger, but I do suspect I'd probably be stony-faced and a little upset. It is not, after all, nice to be the butt of someone else's joke. That said though, my own family, and the friends who know me really well, have often made jokes about my lack of hair and my baldness, from drumming my head to stupid play-on-words about 'hair'. It is something for which I will always be grateful - teaching me that my lack of hair was not the end of the world and reminding me that it is important to laugh, no matter what life throws at you. Perhaps then, we do not need 'a blonde, a brunette, a redhead and a baldie walk into the bar', but in fact need to surround ourselves with people who know and love us enough to remind us, that hairloss really isn't so bad! You never know, in a few years time if we've managed to change societal perceptions of baldness, we'll be the proud owner of our own set of jokes that we can share with the world...

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

Some random things about hairloss that you just might not think about...

At the Alton Towers event hosted by the fabulous Alopecia UK, I spent a large amount of time meeting new people and chatting through our own experiences of hairloss, the things we'd felt, the things we'd learned and even the things we hadn't!

As inevitably happens, once you start chatting, it's difficult to stop and along the way we admitted some 'deep, dark secrets' (not really) and there were definitely some revelations that you're not the only one experiencing...

1. Yes, your nose hair may fall out, and yes it will dribble! Not your average topic of conversation, but we spent over half an hour discussing it! Many of us thought it was our own weird affliction, but no - you're not alone! It makes sense though, just like the hair on your head, many people with hairloss (alopecia or otherwise), will lose the hair in their nose! It isn't glamourous, but a handy pack of Kleenex will be a handbag essential!
2. Yes, the bits you don't want will grow first. This seems to be an affliction all us baldies suffer from - no, the hair on your head will not come back first - it will be underarm hair, a patch on your leg, or even the monobrow eyebrow hairs in the middle that you used to pluck first! Many also highlighted a hobbit feet affliction, highlighting growth on big toes that wasn't even there before the hairloss! Great that there's hair growth, that's a positive sign, but resign yourself to the annoying bits first! 
3. It may be sore or uncomfortable. This varies from person to person, but for some hairloss will be a little bit painful. About half of us involved in the discussion had experienced tenderness, itching, irritation or discomfort as the hair fell out and apparently this is entirely normal. One theory behind this is that the immune system is attacking the healthy skin cells at the same time, but this is entirely unproven.
4. You may be more prone to ear infections! This won't affect everyone, but some have experienced an increase in ear infections. There are thousands of tiny hairs inside the ear which act as protection from falling debris, insects etc. just like your lashes - it is thought that loss of these hairs can increase susceptability to ear infections, but only about 25% had experienced this side effect. 
5. You may get a little more deaf. The ear has about 18,000 internal hair follicles, which are used to measure and interpret sound waves enabling you to hear. Obviously, they are not the only factor in hearing (otherwise we'd all be deaf) but some people will lose a percentage of these hairs and will experience a change in your hearing. 
6. You're nails might well be rubbish. Just like hair, your nails are made from Keratin, and whilst Alopecia is focussed on the hair, a great many alopecians also experience problems with their nails. From ridges to pitting and not to mention long periods of non-growth, it's quite likely your nails will become weak, brittle and very short. This is something I have experienced since before my hairloss, but it is definitely worse now, but again there were an equal number of people who'd never had a problem!

We spent a long time talking about this and that's one of the things I love about support events - sharing experiences and realising that big or small, you really aren't alone!

Whatever your hairloss cause, find others in the same boat as you and it will help make things so much easier!

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald

Would you date a bald girl?

In order to keep up to date with everything that's relevant to Pretty Bald, I'm subscribed to a number of alerts that send me updates on anything and everything. One that caught my eye this week was a link to a forum post on the My Fitness Pal forum, which was entitled 'Guys (or girls) would you date a girl that was bald?'.

I of course had to read it and it's quite clearly a conversation starter as there are currently three pages of replies!

Delving into the story, the original poster starts with her own story, highlighting her Alopecia Areata, which has recently been getting worse. In the last shedding she lost 80% of her hair and despite regrowth is curios to see whether the other followers would consider dating a bald girl. In her words she writes "I came across a post on a different website of women showing how afraid they were to take off their wigs or to tell their dates of their issues when I feel like it's nothing to be ashamed of. I've already accepted the way I am and happy with myself, if people can't see your inner beauty then what's the point? I'm genuinely curious though to see how most people view it considering that it's not really "socially acceptable" for women to not have any hair."

The responses to this post were overwhelmingly positive, but whether this is the reality or born of the desire not to appear 'horrible' on a forum, there were very few negative comments at all. There are a couple of really interesting comments worth a mention too...

• "I would, I have known a few women who lost hair due to chemo, etc. and it didn't change their personality, just their looks. A woman can wear a wig, a scarf, or go out with a bald head -- it is her business, not mine."
• "I think with treatment being so common that causes hair loss, it is socially acceptable (whether that matters or not is another story). I'm accepting and I actually like what some would consider 'different' hairstyles on women."

I know this is a question many new baldies ask, and often fear if they're not already in a relationship; whilst I'd like to say my own experience was totally positive, in fact I had to kiss my fair share of judgemental frogs before finding T.

At the end of the day, hair 'is just hair', even though it doesn't always feel that way and worrying too much or letting it affect confidence is more than likely the contributing factor rather than that actual hairloss. Remember, try to be confident and rock your hairloss the way you feel most comfortable (covered or not) and hopefully this question won't even need to cross your mind! Don't forget, Too Ugly For Love followed the very gorgeous Jen on her dating journey without hair and is available to watch on our YouTube channel...

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald