Saturday, 14 February 2015

My little love story... #Alopecia #Hairloss #Love #ValentinesDay

Two days ago, Kay wrote a love themed blog post talking about her personal experiences, her fears now that she's single and whether or not she'll spend Valentines alone... She hasn't let us know either way which it will be tonight, but she has inspired me to tell my own love story for those who want to hear it!

My alopecia started in February 2011 and was fairly slow initially! I was single and while it might be the first thing on many people's minds, I wasn't too worried it would hinder my love search, particularly as it was only a patch or two!

In the March, I met a boy while out clubbing one Saturday! He was not my normal type, but he was cute and more importantly was from a farming family (odd thing about me - I've always wanted to own a tractor!). Anyway, we went on a couple of dates, the first being incredibly nerve-wracking and things were progressing nicely! I made him laugh, him me, and I was happy to be dating him! What's more, I'd told him about my alopecia and he was fine with it! A few dates later and we snuggled up to watch a film, curled up together on the sofa! My hair shifted, despite my effort to hide it, and he stiffened! It was only a second but I felt it and inevitably, the worry set in! He left as planned later that evening, and cue radio silence... for four days! Despite a couple of texts and even a phone call, nothing! I decided in the grand scheme of things, it was pretty unimportant, but man did it feel rubbish! A few days after that and he crawled out of the woodwork, giving me a sheepish call! He told me he'd spoken with his mum who told him not to be an idiot, and that the only reason it freaked him was because the little bald patch he saw reminded him of cancer, which he'd lost his dad to. Now, despite the rational explanation, unfortunately the damage was done and I knew that to continue dating him would put me at risk of heartbreak if I lost my hair completely and he freaked again! I broke it off officially and that was that - straight back on the shelf.

Forward almost a month and I went to a colleagues housewarming - she'd just moved to the area to join her boyfriend and they'd started renting a new place together! Cue a number of new guys I'd not met before, in a house party environment which was perfect for a chat! They were all cute (albeit in a geeky manner), but one in particular caught my eye - a lovely chap that I'll refer to as 'T'. T and I caught eyes a couple of times and had the odd chat, we competed at board games and at the end of the night went our separate ways. A few days later and a text appeared from an unknown number; a very polite message from T who had got my number through a friend of a friend. He politely introduced himself, and asked if I'd consider going on a date with him? I accepted and we went out a few times enjoying his company to a point. The problem? I was scared! How could I let myself go and commit myself to something, when I didn't know if he'd still like me with no hair. What happened if he reacted just like the first guy and broke my heart when I was already struggling emotionally? How would I cope?

I broke it off again and though he wasn't happy about it, he was committed to staying friends!

Roll forward another couple of months and I was having a particularly bad day; I'd lost more than 50% of my hair and it was getting more and more difficult to hide. I had an awful synthetic wig which looked nothing like my natural hair and that in itself was destroying my confidence! None of my friends were in town that particular weekend and despite a supportive family, I was feeling decidedly sorry for myself! I text T (we were still in touch) and asked for his company. An hour later I appeared on his doorstep, he opened the door, I took one look at him and burst out sobbing, tears streaming down my face and worst of all a dribbly nose! NOT my finest moment!

T held me, cuddled me, comforted me and generally cared for me. We chatted at length and he promised it was me he liked, not my hair; bald or not he'd like me he said.

Between that point and now, there's very little to tell, but suffice to say my fear was unfounded and I've found the man of my dreams! He's intelligent, kind, funny, if a little grumpy and in August of last year we bought our first house!

What I've learned from my own personal experience is that:

  1. The men who care more about your hair are the wrong 'uns anyway!
  2. It's about you and your confidence and the fears are with you too! You've got to dump the negativity and get a handle on yourself!
  3. Let yourself go; let yourself fall in love and don't expect the worst! It won't always work out, but if you don't try, you won't know!
Want more positive hairloss love stories? Alopecia UK has a great facebook album of happy couples, which is worth checking out!

Happy Valentines Day folks and if you feel able, please share your story with us!

Victoria x

P.S. Sorry we missed posting yesterday! Ran out of time, or maybe it was just Friday 13th! Twitter: @PrettyBald

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