'Coping' with hairloss...

A question that I regularly get asked (and in fact got asked yesterday) is the 'secret' to 'coping' with hairloss. Are there any specific techniques to try; what can they do / copy; do I have any advice?

I have to be honest and say I am regularly stumped by this question; am I really qualified to answer? Can I really do anything to help? I don't know whether I can or not, but I do know that I have a policy of being honest and an ambition to answer a question as thoroughly and truthfully as possible, even if that is just to say 'I don't know'.

Being asked this question again yesterday got me thinking. How can you cope with losing your hair?

I think 'coping' methods will depend a lot on both you as an individual and on the stage of your hairloss journey. For example, take me; at the beginning of my alopecia, I did 'cope' - pick pretty much any cliche and it probably fits me, taking each day as it came! Roll forward to now, more than four years later and I no longer 'cope'; instead I 'thrive' and embrace my alopecia and what it brings for me.

Thinking this through, I have come up with a list of tips and tricks to help you come to terms with losing your hair and whilst this is not an 'official' assessment by a trained expert, I am drawing on personal experience. I have tried to ensure that it covers as many different angles as possible and suggest you pick the aspects that work for you, rather than using this as a step-by-step list. Also remember, that you cannot 'fail' - there will be setbacks along the way (I had my fair share), but the important thing is to keep looking and moving forward...

1. Start with what works for you...
I know this sounds like I am trying to teach Granny to suck eggs, but I'm not. When I went to the Ideal Home Show and met Katy Piper, she expressed an assertion that positive affirmation was key to her recovery. After that session, I came home and tried a few of my own - whilst I love the sentiment, they just aren't for me and I feel nothing, but I also know they work for many people. On my own journey, what I needed was motivation to get out the house - this is where my dogs came in handy and I spent every morning getting up and getting out and driving myself to look after them. For you, it might be yoga or meditation to relax, kick-boxing to let out your frustration, a night of too many cocktails with friends or something completely wacky. Whatever it is, build in regular things that encourage, inspire and motivate you, ensuring you can keep going, in spite of the hairloss.

2. Stick to your routine...
Initially my hairloss eroded my routine; I stopped going to the gym, to yoga (I was rubbish at it anyway), I worried about nights out with friends and I started doing less and less. I was entirely worried about and focussed on my hairloss - would people see, would they judge me, would I be laughed at? It was a self-fulfilling cycle and I got worse and worse. A combined intervention by my mum and best friend put paid to that and instead of allowing me to wallow in fear and self-pity, they propped me up and pushed me forward, getting me back out doing what I normally did and a few new things besides. The fear was definitely worse than the reality and once I was back out and about, I soon realised my world didn't collapse and maybe just maybe I was ready to have fun again!

3. Find a solution not a problem...
Hairloss is not a 'problem' that needs to spoil your life. In much the same vein as sticking to your routine, you also need to start looking for solutions that make you happy. For me, a synthetic wig was low-maintenance, flexible, affordable and realistic and I started to have fun with it, changing styles and lengths. For some, it will be a human hair wig that looks as realistic as possible. Hats, Scarves, Wigs, Camouflage Make Up and even bald and proud are all options and you just need to find the right one for you! Once you have, ensure this means you can maintain your normal behaviour (as per point two), because it's easy to talk yourself out of stuff because 'people might see'.

4. Keep yourself positive...
Unless you are new to PrettyBald, I hope you haven't missed our #100HairFreeDays Challenge. This was my own method to keeping things positive and it helped me keep plodding forward. On Twitter the other day, someone said to me "I go two steps forward and one step back", but why not look at it the other way - instead of this being a negative, highlighting that you aren't progressing fast enough, turn it into a positive and own the fact that you are STILL one step further forward than when you started, and another, and another.We can all create a self-pity pit and wallow in it to our hearts content, but don't let that define you!

5. Accept there will be down days...
I know this sounds contrary to point number four, but you also have to accept you aren't perfect and you can't hope to be; sometimes those people too determined to 'be on the right track' risk denying the reality of a situation and merely delay their emotions for a future day - that's not helping anyone. Remember the self-pity pit? Build it, get in it and cry your heart out, but remember there is a time-limit and you have to wade out, wash yourself off and embrace the next move forward.

6. Be honest...
At every stage, attempt to be honest. You don't have to apologise for losing your hair, it isn't your fault! Tell your friends and family how you feel and let them help you. You are NOT a burden and nor are you a martyr, so get chatting! Of course you don't want to drag them into your self-pity pit too, but you must also accept the fact that some days will be crap and there's nothing you can do to avoid that...

7. Don't grasp at straws...
Do your research on the causes of your condition and look for ways of tackling these problems, but also remember to be realistic. I know there is little or nothing to help with alopecia and once I came to terms with the fact there was no miracle cure or magic pill, life became easier. Hope can be brilliant, but make sure you are not just hoping for something that is unlikely to happen, because all that lies ahead is crashing disappointment!

8. Move beyond yourself...
Whenever anyone is going through something, they understandably start to put themselves first. Sometimes this is exactly what you need to do, particularly in the early stages, but be careful this doesn't become a negative habit. Instead, put yourself into someone else's shoes and use your hairloss as a stimulant to put yourself out there and help others. Nothing is a better tonic for self-pity than helping others, so volunteer for charity, set-up a social group, do something that isn't about you, but is totally about someone else! It will start to put your hairloss in perspective!

As you might have guessed, this post is a move away from some of my more normal styles and I found it really uncomfortable to write! I am not a 'gushy' person and whilst I am full of advice, I also hate the feeling that I may be patronising or devaluing someone and their own personal concerns. I hope this post IS helpful, but appreciate it may also not be, so in the meantime, I'll leave you with some of my favourite sayings as highlighted by fellow hairloss sufferers...

"No hair, don't care"

"I define my alopecia, it will not define me"

"I determined that it could take my hair, but it wouldn't take my mind too"

Love it!

It would be great if you can Tweet, Email, Facebook or comment below with your own personal coping mechanisms - it's great to share! Looking forward to your tips!

Victoria x

www.prettybald.co.uk Twitter: @PrettyBald